Poop volume 1!

I say volume one because I think I could write an entire book on poop related stories  There are two constants in motherhood from that moment that child is born....  pooping and feeding.  Sleep is not a constant, but the obsession of did he poop yet, how many times, what did it look like is overwhelming.  See poop can make a wonderful afternoon out with an adorable outfit go bad very quickly.  It can take out multiple outfits (both mommy and baby).   I hate poop. As a nurse you are eager to help your fellow nurses until you hear those dreaded words....Code brown.  You could have the most stable patient on the unit but if he pooping constantly and they are large and bed bound it is the worst of times.  I have in fact vomited in two different patient's rooms right on the floor because it was so terrible making my poor patients feel terrible.
One day when I have the chance to ask God all of my questions one will be "why poop"? Why can't we excrete flowers.  Could you imagine those newborn days when you feel terrible and every diaper change was a tulip. You would have a bouquet of flowers every day.  You would have several bouquets from your husband everyday.
Early on in motherhood we went out to eat with our friends Robin and Paul.  They had no children at the time and our child was 2-3 months old.  We went to a cute little restaurant in Pasadena to catch up and brought our quiet little newborn along.  It was before the meal and we were sitting him up and holding him above the table and all of the sudden we heard something.  That something streamed out down his legs all over the white table cloth in the middle of the restaurant.  I was mortified, terrified, and petrified.  This was not in the baby book.  My husband and I looked at each other and he said "You take him to the bathroom and I will handle the table".  My friend Robin and I took the baby dripping to the restroom where we just didn't even know where to start.  Fortunately it was my first baby and I had 3 extra outfits and plenty of wipes.  She helped me get the onsie off where it just spread even more.  She took the onsie and I started wiping.  Of course it spread everywhere.  We cleaned the baby, bagged the clothes, cleaned the changing table, myself and the floor.  I then went out of the stall and said "Thank you Robin".  At that moment I heard a voice in the other stall saying "You are welcome".  Apparently the lady in the other stall was also named Robin and thought I was talking to her the entire time.  We walked out to where they were finishing up cleaning the table.  I can't even remember if we ate there or left, but for a long time after he was known in their house at "the table pooper".